My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
