I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
