Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
