Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
