fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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