Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
