Whod you bang
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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