i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
