he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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