I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
