its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
