Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
