You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
