get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
