i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
