Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
