i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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