I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
