yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
