you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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