That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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