I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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