Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
