Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
