guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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