dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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