I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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