There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
