its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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