sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
this is an emotional support booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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