So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
as a side note pls kill me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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