I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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