Dual....:-)
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
