I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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