You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize