u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
