East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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