Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
