It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
