New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
