i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
