Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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