You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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