My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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