mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
