Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
there is puke in my bra ... again
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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