So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
