Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My liver just broke up with me...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
