I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
