Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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