I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
