I wish I could punch you in the face.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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