There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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