the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We have started to decorate penises.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
