i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
