I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
