Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
