I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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