Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
