Are we in a gay sports bar?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
