Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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