Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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