i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude i'm inner monologue high
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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