dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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