i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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