After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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