so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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