I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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