Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
