Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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