If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
