Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She told me I should be a condom model.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
