I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
