I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
