come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
